The Steelers select Missouri DT Ziggy Hood with #32. I've got nothing that would extend beyond a lame name joke, so I think I'm done for the evening. Thanks to everyone for stopping by, and I heart you all. See you all next week when we start breaking down all of this madness.
That pick deserves an F for the Cardinals, but an A for JJ Arrington's job security.
Arizona drafts Ohio State RB Beanie Wells at #31. Wait, if you got Tim Hightower in the 5th last year, why get him in the 1st this year?
Arizona looks like they're set on solving that mediocre rush game problem with...oh, wait...never mind...
The Titans select Rutgers WR Kenny Britt at #30. Maybe if they'd done this a year ago, we wouldn't have had to take away Vince Young's belt and shoelaces.
Bwahaha. Apparently, ESPN says the big plus for Nicks was that "Eli didn't miss him". Aim high, former Super Bowl champs.
My friend Julian, who is a Giants fan: "Great hands, a little thick in the middle, but gives you what you want? Did we draft a WR or a rub and tug hooker?"
The Giants take UNC WR Hakeem Nicks at #29. Wait, he's not 7'10"? How will Eli hit him?!?
Bills take Louisville C Eric Wood at #28, who looks like a grown up version of the kid from Bad Santa.
The Colts take Connecticut RB Donald Brown at #27. Apparently, the only thing better than having ONE Mike Hart on the team...
Evan: "Hey, the Horse With No Name has an amazing vertical jump."
Apparently, the Colts drafted America at #27, judging from the armed forces being on stage. I hear that America can't run a sub 4.5 40, so that's a reach in round 1.
Clay Matthews and his entire family are apparently sponsored by Muscle Milk. With THAT kind of douchiness, how could the Pats pass him up?!?
The Packers make a deal with the devil and select USC OLB Clay Matthews with pick #26.
My friend just said, "I don't think Belichick would need to make some sneaky move to make a trade." I'm going to punch my friend in the face and then talk him into buying another punch in the face from me.
The Miami Dolphins take Illinois CB Vontae Davis at #25. Egg on the face of Darius Butler's dad, who said he was going here if he was still on the board.
The Atlanta Falcons take Ole Miss DT Peria Jerry at #24. I don't know the kid, but I'd imagine going from Ole Miss to Atlanta is a positive life change for a young black athlete.
Is Steve Young crying?
The Ravens select Ole Miss OT Michael Oher at #23. It's finny that they pretty much selected the new Jonathan Ogden to replace the old Jonathan Ogden.
Pats trade the pick to the Ravens. Ravens, we've been over how dealing with the great Satan is not OK.
Todd McShay on Percy Harvin: "He may win the race before he crashes the car." Comforting news to the fans that turned Koren Robinson into a drunk.
At least the Vikes now have someone who can hold his own on the upcoming Sex/Drug boat sequel.
The Vikings select Florida WR Percy Harvin at #22. I'd call this dumb, but that's not fair. Paying Bernard Berrian boatloads of money is dumb. This is deliberately bad for the team. Say hello to your Los Angeles Vikings in 2012.
Eric Mangini gets off the pot and the Browns enter the secret world of Cal C Alex Mack at #21.
At pick #20, the Lions take TE Brandon Pettigrew. Ok, brace yourselves, because I don't hate that pick. You've got Gosder Cherilius developing at LT, and if you draft a tackle in the first you're paying a RT the kind of money reserved for a LT. Meanwhile, in Pettigrew, you get a really good blocker, and also a potentially stunning pass catcher to work the oft neglected middle of the field and take pressure off of Megatron. In other words, you get much better at what you do well rather than a little better at what you do poorly. They'll get slaughtered for it, but the comittment to the rebuilding and youth-development effort is admirable.
According to Eric Mangini, the 6th round of this draft has an entire Pro Bowl roster.
With the Browns' pick, the Eagles take Missouri WR Jeremy Maclin at #19. Solid choice. I'm not sure there's a defense with the speed to deal with Kevin Curtis, DeSean Jackson, and Maclin on the same field.
No no, don't you see? You don't need these "players" to win. All you need is boatloads of money, my personally crafted brilliant schemes, and Abram Elam. Once I unveil my third down punt scheme, the league will bow to my greatness.
Broncos take Tennessee DE Robert Ayers at #18. How is Everette Brown still on the board? Is academic integrity measured at the combine?
Why is ESPN using Skype to present team reports? I feel like I'm watching a 1970's Kung Fu movie every time someone justifies why Denver didn't need to go defense.
The Bucs take Kansas State QB Josh Freeman at #17. What does a black QB have to do to get higher than a C+ from Mel Kiper?
CLEVELAND TRADES DOWN AGAIN! The Bucs have the pick! Wipe the pee off the pants Mangini and make a choice!
Isn't there anyone who will make it so I don't have to make a decision? Anybody? Please?
The Chargers take Northern Illinois OLB Larry English at #16. Nobody has given me a convincing reason why a great player would go to Northern Illinois. No, "Maybe he loves Northern Illinois" does not count.
Steve Young needs to think these long rants through, because it really takes away from his "I make pointing gestures to accentuate points when I talk" technique for him to go a full minute talking about nothing.
My friend Evan in response to Mel running through the top WRs remaining: "Forget in cleats, Percy Harvin couldn't hit 5'11" in high heels." Slow clap.
THERE IS A PLAYER NAMED ALEX MACK IN MEL'S TOP 10 REMAINING!!! NICKELODEON NEEDS TO GET CRACKING ON A REMAKE ASAP!!
Houston selects USC LB Brian Cushing with pick #15. That lady is really well built.
Brian Cushing has a 80's movie villain ponytail going. This is why I don't watch more USC football.
New Orleans takes Ohio State CB Malcolm Jenkins at #14. Jason David will never play in the NFL again. He'll wind up on the NFL equivalent of the Washington Generals.
Because you care, it's another pee break.
We're moving rapid fire, and the Redskins take Texas DE Brian Orakpo at #13. He looks surprisingly subdued, considering that Dan Snyder is about to pay him $40 google plex trillion and ownership of a small European country.
Denver selects Georgia RB Knowshon Moreno at #12. Well that's a surprise. Guess this clearly shows a break from Shanny's fantasy football killing platoon system.
Buffalo selects Penn State DE Aaron Maybin at #11. Another solid pick that I have nothing to say about. Now that Crabtree is gone, what will I piss and moan about?
No lie, they showed the same catch twice, and the other two catches in the Crabtree highlight reel were five yards or less. I'm not making this up, people.
San Francisco takes Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree at #10. That makes sense, because they'll be starting a jug machine at QB. Gotta be excited for that pick.
Green Bay selects BC DT B.J. Raji with pick #9. I like the move. That D-Line was a monstrosity when the team went to the NFC Championship, and Raji can get them there again.
B.J. Raji jumps up in celebration before Goodell announces his selection. Goodell is going to suspend him for 4 years and keep him on substance abuse probation as punishment.
Ugh. Mel's got his draft boner on for Michael Crabtree, and nobody is getting higher than a C until he gets picked. That pink starburst colored outfit is going to weep his way to ruining my draft day. Mel, NOT THAT MANY TEAMS NEED A WR. Maybe there's a team that feels like there Injured Reserve list isn't a full strength. That could be a good fit for Crabrtee.
The Jaguars select Virginia OT Eugene Monroe with pick #8. Monroe looks as psyched as a man doomed to a future in Jacksonville can look.
The TiT war room has broken into fighting over DHB over Crabtree. Let me explain something: One of them put up solid stats, and was easily the best receiver at the combine. The other is an injured diva who played in a pass happy offense and has refused to run since. There IS NO DEBATE. Oh, wait, he made that one good catch. The Raiders should have drafted that catch to the team.
The Raiders take Maryland WR Darrius Heyward-Bey with the #7 pick. Michael Crabtree looks as sad as a man in that pink an outfit can look.
Not a single Cincinattica joke, ESPN? Disappointing.
Cincy takes Alabama OT Andre Smith with the #6 pick. I mean, any time you've got a team with glaring character flaws and you have the chance to pick the only player to show up to both the combine and his own pro day grotesquely out of shape, you have to make that move.
Wait, so you're telling me that we got Mark Sanchez AND got rid of Abram Elam, the slowest defensive back I have seen in my lifetime? Did Mangini write that deal down in a Hallmark card?
Bengals on the clock. Hide the silverware.
The utter lack of irony when these analysts say "The Jets are the only team in this division without a quarterback" is stunning. When will life stop slapping Handsome Chad in the face?
With the #5 pick, the Jets take USC QB Mark Sanchez. Awesome. I'm hearing how Sanchez's "personality will fit in in NY". Oh, wait, who's he throwing it to again?
J! E! T! S! trade into the five spot. I told you Mangini would punt. Welcome to NYC, Mr. Sanchez.
Can someone explain the ethnicity of the KFC CEO? Because that is a baffling accent.
Eric Mangini is on the board, and if there was a way to punt the pick away, I'm sure he'd do it.
The Seahawks take Wake Forest LB Aaron Curry with the #4 pick of the draft. My opinion is well known: This is the best pick of the top 10. In a conference that otherwise loathes defense, Seattle brings something special to their linebacker corps.
Seahawks are on the board, and I'm hearing a lot of talk about how Matt Hasselbeck is apparently the QB of the future. Welcome to 1989, people.
And the Chiefs take LSU DE Tyson Jackson with the #3 pick. I've never heard of him, and didn't see him this high, but considering that this is a Scott Pioli pick, Tyson Jackson is going to ruin your season, other AFC West fans.
WE'VE GOT HERM AT THE DRAFT?!?!? This draft just became my favorite ever. He just explained why not having a second round pick gives you MORE flexibility in the draft. Herm Edwards is Math's arch-nemesis.
Aaron Curry, who WILL be the best pick of the top five, is also the best dressed in the building. I love that there's still significance to that.
With the several minutes into this project pick of the draft, I select urinating while standing up. Back in a bit.
The Rams take Baylor OT Jason Smith with the #2 pick. Wow, I'm stunned that they didn't think it was a good idea to throw a quarterback behind an offensive line that killed every quarterback that stood behind it. At least, ESPN makes me think I should be.
If the Rams take Mark Sanchez at #2, I give up on trying to understand things. Do you want to turn Mark Sanchez into the next Marc Bulger, who is currently filled with bloody, soft, warm bread dough?
Keyshawn, you're a disappointing number one pick. Tell us how THIS disappointing number one pick will do.
Roger Goodell kicks us off, and announces that the Detroit Lions take Georgia QB Matt Stafford with the #1 pick of the 209 NFL Draft. Equally unsurprising, Goodell has announced that any unruly minorities will be suspended from this and all other NFL activities, so easy with the booing.
I'm already disappointed in this day because Keyshawn's tie didn't create a flare burn in my TV screen.
Mort says that teams may trade for draft picks. This is the kind of in-depth analysis we pay him the big bucks for.
Failed comeback is over. LET'S DO THIS!!! Immediately faced with fat fetus headed Matt Stafford explaining why he'll be the mistaken pick to save the Lions. Delightful. The more things change...
I'm aware that this is a football blog, but this is a FANTASTIC NBA game I'm watching here between the Nuggets and the Hornets. I kind of wish this game would go overtime so we could skip Matt Stafford's obligatory walk on the stage. Or, as we've known it for several years, the Lions' obligatory screwup on draft day.
Hello and welcome to the second annual LIVE BLOG of the NFL Draft. I'm your host, Zac, and I'm coming to you live from Throwing Into Traffic Draft Central (read: Stolen University Internet and Cable) to give you pick by pick analysis. We'll be here throughout the first round, and probably into the second, so get ready for the good stuff. Keep refreshing, and as with most live blogs, it reads from the bottom up.