Wednesday, February 18, 2009

End of an Era – The surreal temporal existence of Herm

[At Herm Edwards's new job...]

McDonald’s Drive Thru Customer: Hi…um…I think I just want a double cheeseburger.

Herm Edwards: Come on, man!!! Are you kidding me?!? Why do we play?!? We play to win the game!!!

Customer: What?

Edwards: Let’s build on this!!!

Customer: The meal?

Edwards: Play to win the game!!!

Customer: Um, ok, I guess I could get the meal.

Edwards: Now we’ve got to get on a roll!!!

Customer: No, no I think I’m fine.

Edwards: What doesn’t kill you makes you strong!!!

Customer: No, please, that’s all.

Edwards: Ok!!! Give me two minutes!!!

Customer: Ok.

[20 minutes later]

Edwards: Let’s build on this!!!

Customer: Where the hell did you go?!? I’ve been waiting here forever!

Edwards: Two minute offense, baby!!!

Customer: That is absolutely ridiculous. And where the hell is my order?

Edwards; (/hands customer a cobb salad that is on fire)

Customer: What?!? McDonald’s doesn’t even SERVE this?!? And how the hell is it on fire?

Edwards: I put it in that microwave, and then I made some symbols appear, and then these numbers started shifting around!!! It was crazy stuff!!!

Customer: Are you joking me? That’s a clock, you jackass! Go get me your manager!

Edwards: Fine, just give me three fortminutes!!! (/leaves)

Customer: What? No, wait!!!

[3 hours later]

Edwards: (/returns)


Edwards: Absolutely!!! Just ask my manager!!!

Art Shell: I can tell you that this man shows up every aftermorning at 23 b’glock, right on time.

Edwards: Let’s build on this!!!

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