Thursday, February 5, 2009

The End of an Era - Mike Shanahan

[At Shanny's new job...]

Mike Shanahan: You absolute imbeciles! You incompetent fools! Do you really think you know better for yourselves than I, Mike Shanahan, THE ULTIMATE LEADER?!? Your every strategy has already been analyzed, deconstructed, reconstructed, and CRUSHED by my superior mental facilities! You inconceivably pea-brained MORONS!!!


McDonald’s Customer: Excuse me, but my son and I don’t have to take that sort of talk!

Shanahan: Why can’t you ignoramuses see that I’m simply being a master motivator! Yet somehow you still think it is appropriate to question my infinitely wise methods!

McDonald’s Customer: All we want is a Big Mac and a cheeseburger Happy Meal.

Shanahan: YOU HAVE THE SOPHISTICATON OF A TROGLODYTE! My planning and preparing have ggeared events such that you have no CHOICE but to order Chicken McNuggets, sliding your sodium levels to unprecedented heights and setting in motion my offensive scheme to corrupt your cardiovascular system.

McDonald’s Customer: That seems unreasonably complicated and overly dickish. Why would you do that?

Shanahan: BECAUSE THUS IS THE FATE OF THOSE WHO MOCK THE BRILLIANCE OF MICHAEL SHANAHAN, THE ULTIMATE LEADER!!!


Customer’s Kid: Daddy, why is the loud man hurting my eyes?

McDonald’s Customer: Because all that newfound free time of his is tearing through the Colorado supply of bronzing cream. Don’t look directly at him.

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