Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Hangover: 10-29-2008


It's late, so let's get to it...

• Here’s one to file under “victories that make me throw up in my mouth a little”: How the Jets survived last Sunday I will never, ever, ever know. My personal favorite part was hearing the announcers make up excuses for Favre’s performance (HE’S INJURED! HE’S A LEGEND! YOU DO NOT BOO THE GUNSLINGER RAAAHHHRRR!!!!) when the real problem is that this jackass can’t stop throwing off of his back foot. Joe Namath blames the offensive line, but he was five whiskeys deep, so who knows what he remembers.

• Also, someone better explain why we’re throwing 40 times when the Jets are averaging 5.6 yards on the ground…and why Leon Washington gets just 3 touches after his second TD of the day…it’s like Mangini is DARING the media to say that having a 39 year old shoulder the entire offense might be a poorly thought out plan.

• Ryan “Fumbly Wumbly” Fitzpatrick fumbled his way to the Bengals being 0-8. At this point, it’s going to take 0-16 to cost Marvin Lewis his job, isn’t it? Or will he have to commit a crime too? Actually, scratch that last part; if one thing is clear, it’s that a criminal record isn’t an obstacle to being a Bengal.

• Also, Mario Williams has seven sacks through seven games. Act like he’s still not the easy overall first pick of 2006. I dare you.

• The Troy Smith to Joe Flacco pass for 43 yards might be the proudest moment in TiT history. I can’t wait for Smith’s contract to expire and for him to start getting offers from teams in dire need of a QB. I’ve decided that I like Joe Flacco, but Troy Smith has too much potential to not get a fair shot at starting somewhere (cough…LIONS…cough).

• Well, I for one am heartbroken that JT O’Sullivan’s (GRAND CLOSING, TWO FOR ONE WELL DRINKS!) time as a 49ers quarterback is coming to a close, but hey, you can’t keep a talent like Shaun Hill waiting in the wings forever…right…right?

• I wish I’d been in the crowd for that Mike Singletary press conference. As a Vernon Davis fantasy owner, I would have been the first to stand up and start a slow clap.

• If the Redskins wind up winning the NFC East and getting a bye, I’m absolutely in the tank for Jason Campbell being an MVP candidate. No interceptions in a pass heavy offense is awesome, but a completion percentage of 66.1% with a YPA of 7.63 yards is just stupid. Even better, he’s spreading the ball around, finding eight different receivers in the 25-17 victory over the Lions.

• For all the talk about a more balanced attack from the Lions, the team only ran the ball 15 times in a game that was still close going into the fourth quarter. I have no thoughts on that; I’m just doing my part to get Rod Marinelli fired.

• The Cowboys versus Bucs game might have been the single most boring professional sporting event to ever air on television. In any just world, the Bucs defense won that game. Instead, Jeff Garcia’s inability to use his receivers for anything more than intermediate gains and the ground game’s lack of any pop (Warrick Dunn is hit or miss at best) showed that the Bucs are good, but not good enough to choke great offenses to death.

• I watch Handsome Chad dismantle the Bills and I wonder whether or not the Jets would be 6-1 with him under center. I like Brett Favre, but man…just…I can’t…

• Does anyone else see the irony in Ted Ginn Jr. turning in his best game as a pro on the same field as Lee Evans?

• You also have to wonder why the Bills have suddenly gotten away from using their best weapon, Marshawn Lynch. 18 touches for a number one back with as much talent as anyone in the league, and just 13 rushes? Did he run over a coach’s dog? How is he supposed to hit freestyle rapping beast mode at this rate?

• Matt Cassel is going to fold. It’s going to happen, and it’s going to cost his team sooner rather than later. If Steven Jackson is playing, the Rams win that game easily. Hell, if anybody can figure out how to cover a back running out to catch passes, the Rams win. 5-2 is a fraudulent record for a team way too turnover prone to thrive like this, and the next several weeks should make that clear. Sorry, but these guys need a year of suffering to flush out the bad will from me.

• I’ve convinced women to sleep with me who were less loose than either one of the defenses in the Saints-Chargers game. HEY-OH!

• No, honestly, I just don’t get how the Chargers defense is this bad. Aren’t there two first round picks from the last three years in there?!? I mean, I watched Jon Vilma run around sans rhyme or reason for a few years, and Jason “Toast” David is making an abomination of the position of cornerback, but there’s no way that you can’t get more coverage pressure out of the Chargers secondary. Unless Antonio Rodgers Cromartie is the dumbest corner I’ve seen in my lifetime…and he’s not, because he’s not Justin Miller…there’s no excuse for this.

• If you managed to trade Michael Turner and improve your fantasy team over the last eight weeks, pat yourself on the back. If he puts together more than two 100 yard game for the rest of the year, particularly with Matt Ryan starting to get more opportunities to carry the offense, I’ll be shocked. He’s pretty much the Justin Long of fantasy backs; he had one or two flashy moments, but the more you rely on him to carry the production, the less you like the guy.

• At some point, the Cardinals have to stop beating themselves if they want to be taken seriously. At this point, I’m not even talking about the Kurt Warner turnovers; the one against the Panthers wasn’t his fault, and when you ask Kurt Warner to throw the ball 49 times, complaining about turnovers is like complaining about water being wet. Instead, they need to figure out who’s going to replace Edgerrin James, who is KILLING the team by not giving them a viable option to run the clock out, with a back that can pick up 3-4 yards a carry. I’m not sure Tim Hightower is that guy, but something’s got to fix it. By the way, I’m still in the tank for the Cardinals getting a bye in the first round of the playoffs. Hell, there are maybe two games that these guys shouldn’t win handily left on the schedule, and if you think more than one team in the NFC East is topping 11-5, you’re kidding yourself.

• Also, what do we actually think about Seneca Wallace? After this many years on the Seattle bench, should he be better? Worse? Is he just about right? I ask because in Madden, when I do a fantasy draft, he always winds up starting on some team and doing really well. These are the things you get to think about when the pursuit of knowledge is your “career”.

• Everyone needs to take a deep breath on this whole “Kellen Winslow hurts the Browns” trip. When this team was losing, he was the ONLY part of the offense carrying his weight. The fact that the team hasn’t figured out how to use him efficiently in their last couple of more productive efforts shouldn’t count against him as a player. Let’s all remember that last season, when the team was effectively balancing it’s aerial weapons with a decent power run game, Winslow was an important part of this team’s success, and was one blown call away from getting this team into the playoffs. The guy is absolutely a dick among dicks, hates your family, and wants to personally tell every kid in the world that there is no Santa Claus, but he’s also one of the most physically gifted tight ends in the NFL, and a valuable tool in any pass attack.

• Fine, I’ll bite if nobody else wants to: Why are we talking about the Steelers as though they’re a sure thing in the AFC? They’re good. Nobody is denying that. Also, they’ve got a stellar defense, and a great offensive skill set. The trouble is that the team has a remaining schedule with just one easy opponent, and it’s a divisional rival. Meanwhile, Big Ben is getting demolished week after week by defensive lines who are abusing an offensive line that has all the resistance of a stiff breeze. Five sacks against the Giants is indicative of the problem here, and opponents are going to start pinning their ears back and taking shots until they’ve shaken Roethlisberger week after week. Also, the Ravens have looked good, and were within one bad call of beating the Steelers in week four. I like the skill players, and I love the defense; I just don’t think Ben has it in him to be a crash test dummy all season long.

That's all for the Hangover, but we'll have a quick hit up before the end of the day, and will be back to normal rotations tomorrow. Sorry for the delayed posting; things have been legitimately crazy in real world.

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