The Titans were waaaaaaaay too loaded to remember themselves.

hic…Hey everrrrry buddy how ya doing. hic. My name…um…hold on…hic…dammit this is hard to do when you’re loaded. Anyway...hic…my name is Kerry Michael Collins. As of yesterrrrday…hic…Coach Jeff Fisher of the Tennessee Tighteners…whoops…hic…sorry, the Tennsee Titans, well, I’m the starter at quarterback now…hic.


Vince Young: (/climbs chair to hang self, jumps off of chair, grossly overestimates how much rope is needed and falls flat onto the floor)

hic…See, now, I’m not gonna be like a lot of the quarterbacking you’ve been watching around this field for about the last few years now…hic…no sir (/takes a swig from a brown paper bag) Oh, don’t mind me…it’s just been a little while since I’ve been ableta celebrate, so I mayve…hic…may have gone…hic…Christ on a cross I’m sorry I hiccup like a sonovabitch when I’m blitzed…hic…heh, get it? That’s funny because I get blitzed all the time…BECAUSE I’M…hic..BECAUSE I’M A QUARTERBACK!!!...hic.

Vince Young: (/sits in car with windows rolled up and a hose going from the tailpipe to the car window, waits to suffocate, fails to realize that he has to start car, becomes despondent and moody over failure)

hic…so…hic…here yah go, Nashvillains! That’s right, all yer little quarterback cocktail needed was a little bitta…hic…a bitta….hic…aww shit eatin sidewinders now the joke is gone. I was gonna…hic…I was gonna say you needed some Kerry Collins mix…hic...see, I’m always tryna tell people that they’re wrong about me being funnier when drunk…hic…things’re gonna get a whole lot more interesting around these parts…hic…

Vince Young: (/pulls out pistol to shoot self, fails to load gun, remembers to load gun, fires gun, aims about five yards above head, is booed by fans, cries)

hic…What’s wrong with the athletic young fella again?


Jeff Fisher: Oh, he’s just in a dark place mentally.

hic…well, I’d hate ferrafella ta stay around…hic…to…hic…to stay around there. I was once inna very dark place....hic…yah see, I once battled alcoholism…hic…and lemme tell ya, alcoholism is so dark that when it goes swimming, it leaves trails in the pool…hic...

Jeff Fisher: Um, Kerry, I’m pretty sure you can’t say that sort of thing.

hic…come on, Jeffy! We’re just some guys being some guys…hic…being some guys…hic…being some guys…besides, nothing makes the minoriteammates feel better’n knbowinbg they’re dealin with a white guy who’s…hic…who’s fly enough to crack the jokes that America needs ta…hic…that America needs ta hear. Right, Young Gun?

Vince Young: (/holds breath, holds breath, holds breath, passes out)

Jeff Fisher: Just a shame.

Kerry Collins: (/vomits into sketchy brown bag)

Jeff Fisher: (/never, ever, ever, EVER drafts a receiver worth talking about)