Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Offseason Maneuvering: Cleveland Browns

[Somewhere at the Cleveland Browns training facility]

Romeo Crenel: (/inner monologues) Yep. Hot day today. Gonna be hot tomorrow. Probably gonna be hot all month. Yep. Already feeling tired for the day. What time is it anyway? (/checks watch) Only 11AM. Can’t call it a day yet. Nope. Gotta figure out how I’m gonna get through the day. Nope. Got no good ideas. Gonna be a real struggle. (/continues to stare into space as two players collide right in front of him, remains completely still) Whoops, better start paying attention to the practice. Got people out there. Running plays that we want to run this season. Yep. Figure I’d better say something before people figure out I’m not paying attention.

: Hey, great job.

Donte Stallworth: Coach, I’m injured and I haven’t been able to do a full practice.

Crenel: Yep.

Stallworth: What?

Crenel: (/returns to inner monologue) Yep. Definitely made him feel better. Shaped him as a man. Molded him as a player. Really getting him into the system. Yep. Things coaches are supposed to do. Wish I could remember what his name was. Brady? Nope. Gay fella is Brady. Romeo? Could be Romeo. Lotta people around here yelling for Romeo. Wait. Nope. Can’t be Romeo because I’m Romeo. Silly mistake. Can’t be making that mistake in the game. Might call a play for Romeo, wind up out there, playing. Wouldn’t be good at all. Too old for that these days. Nope. Now I remember, It’s Donte. Yep. Gotta be Donte.

Crenel: Doing a great job, Donte.

Derek Anderson: Coach, Donte left to the trainer’s office an hour ago.

Crenel: Well what are we doing now?

Anderson: Running offensive drills.

Crenel: (/returns to inner monologue) Too slow on that one. Yep. Gotta start rolling with the times. People thinking I’m not keyed in on what’s going on. Can’t have that. Nope. Derek Anderson, pointing it out in camp. Getting some confidence. Coming into his own. Could turn out to be a good quarterback. Be interesting to see if Charlie Frye can beat him out for the job again this year. Wonder where Charlie is, anyway. Can’t be showing up late to camp. Nope. Not acceptable for an NFL starter. Beginning to think that fella might not have what it takes to be a pro quarterback. Nope. Got a long day going here.

Shaun Rogers: (/brushes past Romeo Crenel)

Crenel: (/returns to inner monologue) Big fella we got there. Yep. Wonder what position he plays. Fella that big, really ought to remember. Think he had something to do with the draft. Yep. Big deal on draft day. Joe Thomas? Yep. Definitely Joe Thomas. Wonder what time it is. Sure am feeling hungry right about now. Yep. Can’t play football hungry. Nope. Bad for morale. Gotta keep the team’s morale up. Things coaches are supposed to do.

Crenel: Alright team, time to call it for the day.

Anderson: Coach, are you serious? We’ve been standing here for, like, 3 hours waiting for you to call a play.

Crenel: Yep.

Anderson: What does that even mean?

Crenel: Um…second team, you’re up.

Brady Quinn: (/frolics) Tee hee hee! Can’t touch me in my pretty orange shirt!!!!!

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