Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Offseason Maneuvering: Atlanta Falcons


[Somewhere at the Atlanta Falcons practice facility]


Joey Harrington: This is just unbelievable. Roddy, did you know that apparently I’m the worst quarterback of all time?


Roddy White: Yep.

Harrington: So you read this website too?

White: What website?

Harrington: I just don’t get it Roddy. I’m a nice guy, I work hard, but every time I get the chance to lead a team, I wind up in an unwinnable situation. Sometimes I think I must be cursed.

White: Look, Joe, you’re not cursed. You’re just a quarterback who makes bad decisions from time to time, and unfortunately you’ve never, ever been put in a position where you can succeed. The idea that you’ll get it together and take a team anywhere significant is probably far fetched, because you’ll never wind up on a team that has anything other than low quality offensive protection around you or inconsistent receivers. By now, the well run franchises already have quarterbacks being groomed and veteran backups who know the system. That said, all the talk that people put out about you being a perennial loser or “the worst QB of all time” really isn’t fair. It’s not your fault that teams that are already bad wind up putting you under center because you're the best option available to a bad team, which is part of the reason why you’ve had so many opportunities to “fail” your teams; you’re not going to turn a team around on your own, but you’re not bringing it down on your own either.

Harrington: Hey, man, thanks. I really appreciate that.


Matt Ryan: (/enters room) Hey Roddy. Hey Joe, ready to take some snaps? (/pats Joey Harrington on the back, hand shrivels up as though it has aged 100 years) AHHHHHH!!!!

White: Wow, looks like I was wrong.

Harrington: Yeah I wasn’t buying your explanation either.

Ryan: (/clutches hand in agony) EVERYONE WAS RIGHT! YOU HURT YOUR TEAM MORE THAN ANY OTHER QUARTERBACK!!!

Harrington: I guess that website was dead on, huh?

Ryan: WHAT WEBSITE?

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