Thursday, June 5, 2008

Offseason Maneuvering: Minnesota Vikings


Spring and summer are slow for football fans, but not for the teams and players they love. That's why, from time to time, we'll be checking in on all 32 teams to see what they're up to in the time when winners are built: The Offseason. Today, we peek in on the Minnesota Vikings.

[Somewhere at the Minnesota Vikings practice facility]



Brad Childress: Again.


Tarvaris Jackson: (/takes snap, drops back, spins around pylon and throws a shovel pass that inexplicably travels 20 yards like a bullet into waiting receivers hands)

Childress: Again.

Jackson: (/takes snap, does backflip handspring while holding football into seven step drop, throws ball 80 yards with pinpoint accuracy to receiver standing in endzone)

Childress: Again.

Jackson: (/takes snap, rolls out to right, with defender approaching, proceeds to spin and leapfrog the approaching defender while using his helmet as a stepping stone to get greater altitude, throws no-look, behind-the-back pass that zips forward and arrives in the hands of waiting receiver 50 yards downfield, with ball legitimately hotter than it was prior to throw)

Jackson: Good stuff, coach?

Childress: God dammit Tarvaris, the play is an 8-yard out!

Jackson: (/fails to compute)

[Suddenly...]

Jared Allen: (/leans out car window, smells like rubbing alcohol) Ib dis da Kentucky Fried Chicken?

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