Don’t even f—ing act like this is ok…

Are you fucking kidding me?

IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF FUCKING JOKE?!?

Hey, assholes in the Packers front office, you know what’s better than ESPN pulling a total cornhole move on my confidence by speculating as to what week next season I’ll be out of a job? You dipshits finishing the ream-job by drafting a quarterback for no damn reason other than to make me start drinking!

You know what’s even better than that? FUCKING DOING IT TWICE!!!

IS THIS SOME SORT OF FUCKING NORTHERN HILLBILLY IRONY I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!?!?

Dammit I hate you assholes. Like it isn’t enough that I still get calls from that pill popping, mouth breathing double-wide royalty that used to have my job. “Well gawrsh, how’re ya doin’ lil’ buddy?” I’ll tell you how I’m fucking doing, Brett. I’M DOING FUCKING BAD! I’m stuck here while that sonofabitch gets to go back to his hometown and do whatever it is that he does for fun down there. Considering he’s in Kiln, Mississippi, I’m guessing it has something to do with cooking meth and raping tourists. You think I don’t want to go home to California? See my bitches, hang with my homies? But no, I’M STUCK IN FUCKING GREEN BAY! You know what the difference is between Green Bay, Wisconsin and Kiln, Mississippi? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING SIGNIFICANT! Yeah, there’s a little snow here; that just means that these redneck sister-fuckers need to remove more layers to undress their sisters for the vigorous sister-fucking they’re doing.

I’m doing it tonight at the Rodge Lodge; I’m taking a gun, and blowing my brains out. Anything is better than one more day in chilly hell.

Seriously? TWO QUARTERBACKS??? First, you take a first day selection, a FIRST FUCKING DAY SELECTION THAT YOU COULD USE TO PLAY CORNER INSTEAD OF THE CORPSE OF AL HARRIS THAT LOST US THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP, and you blow it on THIS guys…


Hey, asshats: JUST BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING FAVRE DOESN’T MEAN HE HAS THE ARM, THE HEART, OR THE TASTY BALLS THAT FAVRE WOULD RATION SO GRACIOUSLY TO ALL OF YOU. Oh, ESPECIALLY you assholes in the media. How much do you want to bet that old PK writes at least one homoerotic piece on this jagoff in the next month? If he can get through it without calling him “scrumptious” I’ll be fucking amazed.

Oh, and then you go and waste a second day pick on THIS fucktard?!?


Are you dickbags shitting me? IT’S A DRAFT! NOT A LOOKALIKE CONTEST FOR THE SLACKJAWED ASSHOLE WHO WOULD MAKE LOVE TO THE SPORTS MEDIA’S COLLECTIVE FACE THAT USED TO WORK HERE! The only reason this asshole even had a starter’s job in college was that the quarterback who would have started ahead of him was black and he played for LSU, a university whose claim to fame is establishing fellowships for people to invent new forms of racism.

Do you think I like having this fucking job? You think I like getting tips from people on how I can be more like Brett Favre? I caught myself saying “y’all” the other day, and I sat in my basement for two hours drinking moonshine and seeing how deep I could cut my arms before I passed out.

You think I like this pressure? When I walk through the grocery store, little kids in #4 jerseys cry because they think I killed Brett Favre. The only thing sadder than that is the fact that I sometimes have wet dreams that end with me actually murdering that Blue Collar Comedy Tour loving bastard.

This is why I sit in my home at night and count the minutes until I die. Well, this and the fact that I live in FUCKING GREEN BAY.

You know what? Fuck these kids. I'm never giving up my starting job. In fact, first day they come in, I'm going to make them clean my gear the way Favre used to make me clean his. If they're anything like me, they'll be playing Russian Roulette on weeknights by week eight.

Welcome to chilly hell, rookies.

(And welcome to you, readers of The Big Lead and Deadspin. Feel free to check out the rest of the site while you're around, including our live blog of the NFL Draft, or other commentaries from Aaron Rodgers.)