Wednesday, February 27, 2008

YOU PLAY TO MAKE A MEDIOCRE EFFORT FOLLOWED BY LOTS OF YELLING!!!


Yeah baby!!! Alright! I am psyched up to be at the NFL Combine again!!! Reminds me of when I was a player: Tons of hype and legend built around one moment of doing something cool!!!

Now that I think about it, I'll probably be able to use that as the title to my autobiography!!!

Wonder if I made a mistake rocking the blue hat today? After all, I was rocking the team colors yesterday. Maybe I should roll with the red cap again…


Nah, let’s stick with the blue…


That’s better. Besides the blue helps me blend in. Standing out is for showboats, selfish players, and offenses that aren’t helmed by my protégé Brody Croyle!!! Damn I love Kangol caps!!! It’s the only way I can remind people that I’m black, besides my loud, uncomfortably aggressive press conferences in which I find excuses to work in slang or that HBO special that was inexplicably based on the Kansas City Chiefs in which I was somehow always either yelling or waving my hands!!!

I wonder if I'd look as fly if I crossed my legs the other way...


Hey, there’s my man Larry Johnson!!! Yo Larry!!! What’s up brother!?! I wonder why Larry is waving back to me with his hand facing the wrong way and his middle finger up. Must be one of those rap signs that his man Jay-Z taught him or something. I hear you baby!!! The Roc is in the bulding!!! My man, Larry Johnson. He’s got to be happy to still have me as his coach, because I’m a strong black man. What other coach would have let him set the record for most carries in a single season?!? I’m sure that had nothing to do with his early injury last season. After all, you gotta run the ball baby!!! Passing games are for soft football teams, the kind that don’t understand character, or don’t have Tyler Thigpen taking snaps in an NFL game!!!


Ooooooh, that was one hell of a catch!!! That boy can MOVE!!! It’s too bad I’m gonna have to pass on him. That kind of excitement isn’t gonna fly on the Chiefs. We don’t do exciting receivers here!!! We like to save our excitement for when we win, or, because that happens so rarely, when I get to go on stage and explain to reporters why it wasn’t my fault that we lost to the New York Jets in overtime!!! Justin McCareins is a top level talent; why else would I have put him on the team when I was there!?! Anyway, we can’t have this guy running all up and down the field and making a scene by beating defenders downfield or scoring touchdowns. Why do you think I cut Eddie Kennison!?! Effective scoring offenses are for teams that don’t get what NFL football is all about: grit, intangibles, and having a legitimate quarterback competition that involves Damon Huard!!!

Damn it’s gonna be a nice, mediocre season!!!

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