Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Play the Jets Football Experience!!!

New, from Nintendo, you can play the 2007 Jets football experience with 2007 Jets Football! In game features allow you, the player, to fully immerse yourself in the joy that is the 1-3 New York Jets! Gameplay features include:

- The “Justin McCareins bug”, which causes all balls thrown to Justin McCareins to pass right through him for drops or interceptions. Yet inexplicably every significant downfield passing play somehow involves him!

- On offensive plays, Gang Green lines up without any offensive linemen right of the center, which is as close as programmers could come to approximating the caliber of protection blocking currently seen on that side of the real Jets!

- On defense, players will be able to control defensive linemen and linebackers with a variety of in-game special “playmaker” moves, such as the “brush up against an offensive lineman without really doing anything productive” stick, the “politely wait until the quarterback has made at least three reads before beginning to rush” stick, and the “run into a concrete wall because that’s about as effective as I’ll be playing the 3-4 as a 6’1” 230 lbs inside linebacker” stick (exclusive to Jonathan Vilma)!

- In “franchise” mode, players can make important offseason decisions as coach Eric Mangini! For example, will you ignore finding ways to involve proven playmaker Neon Leon Washington while playing an extra on The Sopranos, or will you ignore finding ways to involve proven playmaker Neon Leon Washington while losing weight to look better for Patriot cameras?

- New rushing features allow you to take control of Jets running back Thomas Jones! Make the unsurprising, ineffective cuts that decide whether he gets tackled for a loss, or just gets stopped cold at the line of scrimmage.

- Announcer commentary features over 100 unique announcer comments, 92 of which are dedicated to analyzing every single offensive pass play and explaining how Kellen Clemens could have done it better, and how putting him in under center will magically make every other problem on the team disappear! Even on defense!!!

Buy now and you get a free gun to blow your brains out sometime between the tenth Thomas Jones run that goes right into an offensive lineman’s back, and the fifth time we run an unnecessary eight yard out to our worst receiver with a quarterback whose arm is hanging on by a wish and a prayer when all we need is a field goal.

Seriously, this is starting to piss me off.

1 comment:

David said...

Hahaha, is it just me, or are the historically physical teams getting eaten alive by the finesse teams in the NFL this year? TB, Oakland and Houston are all surprises, but carolina can't play D, the Jets can't, the bears give up 34 points in a QUARTER?? It's like you can't lay hand to anyone anymore.